Photo by Jenny Woods | @bunnyjennyphoto on Instagram
I hate hookup culture. There, I said it.
Look, I have nothing against those who participate in it, but it’s always left a weird feeling in my stomach, like maybe I’m the crazy one for not understanding. There is not a single person I want to hook up with while high at some party. Period. This recent resurgence in my pondering of hookup culture has made me painfully aware of all my differences with most people.
The biggest fault in my confidence is comparison; I am constantly measuring myself to others. I don’t relate to the hookup culture of my generation, and that means there’s something wrong with me. I will never be as smart or successful as that Ivy League bound student. I see beautiful people and think that their poise detracts from my self-worth.
I often have trouble blocking the noise, the constant chatter of competition among my peers. Sometimes, I really do wish I could conform to the norm. I would know how to do my makeup properly. I wouldn’t have sweaty palms at the mention of party culture. I would ask less questions and “just chill” for once.
But honestly, I know that archetype of a human being will never be me. No matter how badly I want it at times, I can’t do it.
I never want to see myself and interpret the reflection staring back at me as alien. Others may enjoy those aspects of youth, but they’re not for me. I’m always going to choose a night walk with my best friend over drunkenly making out with some guy. I’m going to have board game nights with my school’s philosophy club. I’m going to suggest live storytelling shows for dates and write articles about challenging the term “DUFF.”
I’m going to be myself, with daring and spirit and love.
If I don’t judge my peers for what makes them comfortable, then I should hold myself to the same standard. I may not relate to the majority, but there will be people who share the same fears and values as me. This is just who I am, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Everything is going to be okay. I will be okay.