Photo by Rora Blue as featured in Mad Sounds Magazine Issue 23
Maybe your silence is the answer
Maybe your absence is the answer
Maybe you actually don’t care
Maybe I’m waiting for you to be someone you’ll never be
You see, the truth is, when you’re focused on trying to fix something that is already broken, you’re settling for something that could easily break again, something that could easily break you.
This is why it’s so hard for us to move on. We have this belief that if we just try a little harder, maybe this one time, they’ll change. That things will somehow be different. But that’s not how it works.
We invest so much of our energy into something that collapses shortly after. Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken. Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.
You see I believe that sometimes for no reason, people can become toxic for each other. That sometimes “love” can stop us from growing and make us blind towards what is really happening right in front of us. Sometimes you no longer see eye to eye like you used to. And sometimes that relationship is no longer worth saving even if you love the other person. Stop convincing yourself that things can get better. The only thing better is starting over and moving on. Find something that you don’t have to fix. Save yourself from the heartaches of trying to mend broken relationships. You set yourself up for disappointment when you begin to expect that you can truly “fix” someone. Stop piecing things together when you can find something whole.
And you know what, maybe things were going well. Maybe it was all rainbows and butterflies at one point. And when those good times creep up on me, I’ll allow them to. I’ll allow myself to feel your presence again. But while reminiscing on those good memories, I’ll also remind myself of the bad ones that caused me to beat myself up over something that was out of my control. The bad ones that caused me to think that I was unlovable. The bad ones that finally made me realize I deserved something more. That I was worthy of more.
It kills me to let go. But it’s only hurting me more to hold onto something that’s not there anymore.
This is me, admitting that I will always miss you. But this is also me, admitting that I will never want you back.